The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug Trailer

SMAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGG!

Did you see that?? I mean DID WE JUST SEE SMAUG??!?!?!?!

Yeeeessss we saw the Smaug, precious!! Eeeeee!

Does he look like Benedict Cumberbatch?

Yes, yes, think he does, precious.  Weta pictures knows what its doing, it does! *hack*

Every single pin and picture we see of Ben is reminiscent of Trailer Smaug now.

We sees pictures!  We sees pictures, on the screen, Cumberbatch making dragon faces. Yes...

I don't know about you, but I'm extremely worried about Tauriel.  You know they only added her because they wanted a sexy feminist she-elf to make progressives happy and men drool.

Don't say that.  Don't say that!  Can't hears you!  We likes Kate Austen.

No, I'm not bashing Kate Austen OR Evangeline Lily. (You do know they're two different entities, right?)

Entities?..... What is Entities, precious?

Never mind.  All I'm saying is I have no problem with *ahem* Kate Austen herself, but Tauriel is a whole other matter.  Especially if she starts romancing Lego-

Legolas?  We loves Legolases!  We smells its hair, and stares into its eyes....

Wait... what?? No we don't!  Don't even start spreading rumors like tha-

And frameses his picture...

No we certainly do not.  She'd just better leave him alone.  It's been hinted she may have some sort of romance with Kili...

Ha! Kili, we has picture of Kili, precious.  Good picture. Yeeesss.

Yup, that's the guy.  He's a relatively minor character (and created exclusively for to make girls drool), so that shouldn't throw too many monkey wrenches into the scheme of things.  I just hope they don't unnecessarily linger on it. Why does there have to be romance in a movie anyway?  Just formulaic and predictable.  Treats humans like robots really.  Makes you late for dinner.

Robots? Robots not romantic.

I know, I know.  But they treat the audience like some sort of checklist.  Check as many boxes as possible to make all demographics as happy as possible, hit "accept" and the robot audience will spit profit out its mouth accordingly.  But they need to pay attention to doing it well.  People do care about quality.(or we should anyway.)

.........

Off the soapbox now.  Sorry about that.  I know you just want to fan girl over the trailer.

....Elf kingdom looks pretty....

Drop dead amazing.

Yes!  We were concerned after seeing that Mirkwood kingdom concept drawing, right?  Didn't seem very elven.  Even though we only saw a glimpse,  they seemed rather dark, dank an-

Nasty, precious.  We loves it.

Well, you did...  I tended to think a self respecting elf probably wouldn't keep a house like that, all dis repaired and poorly lit.  Not even the more primitive Mirkwood Elves.  But it seems like, from the trailer, they've added so much more swooping architecture and lights.  Looks like a completely different place!  I nearly drool every time I see it.

....And Laketown...

"Medieval Venice-ish" Laketown.

Oh me, who knew they would do something like that?  Marvelous.  Can't wait for Stephen Fry too.

We eatses fries... they're niiice, precious. Juicy. Scrumptiously crunchable!!!

Juicy? Umm. Okay.

Bard mullet scrumptious too, precious.  Businesses in front, partiesess in back.

Still a bit confused about that one.  Is it actually styled like that, or does he just have it pulled back in a half-up-half-down sort of thing?

Partiesessss.

Yea.  I guess we'll just have to see how that goes.

At which point our eyes widen into golf-ball-sized orbs.

At which point our jaws drop from their hinges.

At which point we begin to squeal like piglets.

At which point our chairs nearly bust from the maniacal flailing.

More squealing.  Denial begins to set in.  Hit the "replay" button.